Welcome to February 13, 2026, where the air is slightly less regulated and the stock market is behaving like a caffeinated toddler on a trampoline. President Donald Trump has spent the last forty-eight hours dismantling two decades of environmental policy, threatening to annex Canada as the 51st state, and promising that the DOW (+0.4%) will hit 100,000 by the time he’s done. It is, by all accounts, a Friday in Washington.
The headline act of the week was the “largest deregulation effort in U.S. history,” a phrase that usually makes compliance officers weep and hedge fund managers buy third vacation homes. By revoking the EPA’s “endangerment finding”—the scientific bedrock that greenhouse gases are actually bad for you—the administration has effectively told the automotive industry that the 2009 rules were just a long, expensive fever dream. Markets reacted with the kind of confused enthusiasm we haven’t seen since the invention of the NFT.
The Endangerment of Regulation (and Lungs)
The repeal of vehicle emission standards sent shockwaves through Detroit and Silicon Valley. For years, TSLA (-3.2%) enjoyed a world where carbon credits were a lucrative side hustle. Now, with the “disastrous Obama-era policy” in the rearview mirror, traditional giants like F (+2.1%) and GM (+1.8%) saw a modest bump in mid-day trading. Investors seem to be betting that making cars that breathe fire is cheaper than making ones that run on sunshine.
However, the broader market remains jittery. The NASDAQ (-2.1%) took a bruising on February 12, largely driven by AI-related fears and the realization that deregulating the climate doesn’t necessarily help you build better microchips. While the administration claims this move will “save the American auto industry,” analysts at Goldman Sachs were seen quietly adjusting their “apocalypse” models, noting that legal battles over the EPA’s authority will likely outlast the current administration’s lease on the White House.
Tariffs: Because 15% is a Deal, but 100% is a Threat
If you’re a foreign manufacturer, the President’s latest trade “strategy” is essentially a high-stakes game of “The Price is Right,” but where the price is always higher than you think. On February 13, the U.S. and Taiwan finalized a trade pact that locks in a 15% tariff. In the world of Trumpian economics, 15% is considered a “slash,” a bargain-basement rate that secured an $85 billion export boost. TSM (-1.4%) saw heavy volume spikes as traders tried to figure out if a 15% tax on the world’s most essential semiconductors counts as a win or a slow-motion disaster.
Meanwhile, India is currently receiving the “carrot” part of the stick. Following a deal announced on February 2, the administration is touting a new era of cooperation, even as the President simultaneously threatened a 100% tariff on any company that doesn’t “build in America.” It’s a simple, elegant policy: build here, or we’ll tax you until your balance sheet looks like a crime scene. This “Build or Burn” approach has kept the S&P 500 (-0.2%) in a state of perpetual motion, as multinational corporations scramble to find enough bricks and mortar to satisfy the new requirements.
Canada: The 51st State of Confusion
Perhaps the most “observational” moment of the week involves our neighbors to the north. After Canada dared to sign a limited trade agreement with China, the President responded with the geopolitical equivalent of a subtweet, threatening a 10% tariff increase and suggesting that Canada might be better off as the 51st state. The House of Representatives, in a rare moment of bipartisan “Wait, what?”, voted to rebuke the Canada tariffs this week.
The President’s reaction on Truth Social was predictably measured, stating that any Republican who voted against the tariffs would “seriously suffer the consequences.” This sent shares of DJT (+5.7%) into one of its signature vertical climbs, proving once again that while the company’s fundamentals are a mystery wrapped in an enigma, its volatility is a reliable source of entertainment for day traders. The threat to block the opening of the Gordie Howe Bridge—a project Trump once championed—is the perfect cherry on top of this policy sundae. It’s a bridge to nowhere, unless that “nowhere” is a 300% surge in tariff revenue.
Rare Earths and the $12 Billion Flex
Not content with just taxing the present, the administration is also stockpiling the future. The announcement of a $12 billion “Rare Earth Stockpile” is designed to break China’s stranglehold on the minerals needed for everything from iPhones to F-35s. While the goal is noble, the execution involves the U.S. government entering the commodities market with the subtlety of a bull in a china shop—or rather, a bull in a China-dependent supply chain.
Mining stocks like MP (+4.5%) saw significant pre-market gains following the news. Peter Zeihan and other geopolitical analysts have pointed out that while a stockpile is great, you actually have to process the minerals, a detail that the administration seems to believe can be solved with enough “deregulation energy.” Still, the $12 billion figure was enough to keep the DOW from sliding further into the red during Friday’s session.
The Road to DOW 100,000
In a post that launched a thousand spreadsheets, Trump predicted the DOW would hit 100,000 by 2029, a 99% surge from current levels. To achieve this, the U.S. economy would need to grow at a rate that defies most known laws of physics, or at least the laws of compound interest. But in a week where the EPA was told that carbon dioxide is fine and Canada was told it’s a province-in-waiting, who are we to argue with math?
The “Great Healthcare Plan” was also announced this week, though details remain as scarce as a 0% tariff on a Chinese EV. Markets in the healthcare sector, specifically UNH (-0.5%) and CVS (-0.8%), reacted with the cautious silence of someone who has heard this particular promise before. As the week closes, the S&P 500 sits at 5,842, the NASDAQ at 18,120, and the DOW at 44,150. Whether we reach 100,000 or just 100,000 more Truth Social posts remains to be seen, but one thing is certain: the “largest deregulation effort in history” has successfully deregulated the market’s ability to feel surprise.
DISCLAIMER: We read Trump’s posts so you don’t have to. This is comedy meets market data, not financial advice. Not political advice either – we just like charts and chaos.
Elana Harper is a seasoned financial editor and market analyst with over a decade of experience covering global equities, economic trends, and corporate earnings. Known for her sharp insights, Elana specializes in making complex financial topics accessible to a broad audience. She now serves as the Senior Financial Editor at Stock Market Watch, where she oversees daily market coverage and political commentary.