Welcome to March 17, 2026, where the “Art of the Deal” has officially been replaced by the “Art of the Sudden Energy Crisis.” If you thought the 2024 election cycle was a rollercoaster, the current market environment is more akin to a tilt-a-whirl operated by someone who just discovered the “turbo” button. Between the Supreme Court essentially handing the Oval Office a blank check for trade wars and the literal bombing of Iranian oil hubs, investors are currently experiencing a level of “predictable unpredictability” that has the VIX<\/b> (Volatility Index) looking like a heart monitor during a marathon.<\/p>\n
The morning started with the usual digital heraldry: a Truth Social post. President Trump<\/a>, fresh off a weekend of praising dissenting Supreme Court justices for their “wisdom and courage” in a case regarding his “Liberation Day” tariffs, reminded the world that he retains the “absolute right” to tax anything that crosses a border. The market, which usually likes to pretend it understands policy, reacted with its customary grace\u2014which is to say, it tripped over its own feet. The S&P 500<\/a><\/b> dipped 1.4% in early trading as the realization set in that “absolute right” usually translates to “higher prices for your morning latte.”<\/p>\n In a move that can only be described as peak economic irony, the administration has proposed $1,020 payments to Americans (plus a cool $125 per child) to offset the sting of the very tariffs the administration insisted wouldn’t hurt consumers. It is a bold strategy: tax the imports, watch the prices rise, and then mail the taxpayers a fraction of their own money back to keep the pitchforks in the shed. Analysts at major firms are calling it “fiscal circularity,” while the rest of us just call it a very expensive game of tag.<\/p>\n Retailers are, unsurprisingly, thrilled. Shares of WMT<\/a> (-0.8%) and TGT<\/a> (-1.1%) showed modest declines as investors weighed the benefit of stimulus checks against the crushing weight of a 10% across-the-board import levy. The DOW<\/b> Jones Industrial Average, meanwhile, shed 340 points as the “Great American Policy” executive order began to look more like a “Great American Price Hike.”<\/p>\n If there is one thing the President enjoys more than a tariff, it\u2019s a public airing of grievances with a Silicon Valley CEO. Today\u2019s target: Tim Cook. In a series of escalations that have left AAPL<\/a> (-3.4%) shareholders clutching their pearls, Trump<\/a> reportedly “chewed out” the Apple chief over the company\u2019s reliance on European and Chinese supply chains. The threat? New tariffs on the “beloved iPhone.”<\/p>\n Apple\u2019s stock price movement was swift, dropping to $184.20 in mid-day trading on heavy volume\u2014roughly 1.5 times the daily average. It turns out that threatening to turn a $1,200 smartphone into a $1,500 smartphone doesn’t do wonders for consumer discretionary valuations. While Cook has historically been the “Trump Whisperer,” the whisper seems to have been drowned out by the roar of the “Save America Act,” a legislative sledgehammer that Trump is currently using to threaten any lawmaker who dares to suggest that maybe, just maybe, we shouldn’t tax our own technology into extinction.<\/p>\n While the trade war was simmering, the actual war was boiling over. The release of “unclassified” video showing the U.S. bombing of Iran\u2019s Kharg Island oil hub sent energy markets into a vertical climb. WTI Crude<\/b> spiked 5.6% within an hour of the Truth Social post, briefly touching $92 a barrel. For those keeping track at home, gas prices have surged 77 cents in a matter of weeks, a feat of inflation that would be impressive if it weren’t so expensive.<\/p>\n The administration\u2019s solution to the energy crisis is equally nuanced: threatening NATO allies with a “very bad future” if they don\u2019t help secure the Strait of Hormuz. Germany has already offered a polite “no thanks,” which resulted in the President suggesting that perhaps China<\/b> should help, considering they get 90% of their oil from the region. The irony of asking your primary trade-war antagonist to help you secure the oil you just made more expensive by bombing the people who sell it to them is, frankly, Shakespearean.<\/p>\n Energy giants like XOM<\/a> (+2.3%) and CVX<\/a> (+1.9%) are the lone green spots on the board today, though their gains are tempered by the fear that a global slowdown\u2014triggered by, you guessed it, more tariffs\u2014will eventually kill demand. It\u2019s a classic “good news for the balance sheet, bad news for the planet\u2019s stability” scenario.<\/p>\n Not to be outdone by the tech sector, the automotive industry is currently nursing a $35 billion bruise. New data suggests that Trump\u2019s auto tariffs have cost manufacturers more than $35 billion since 2025. This news sent F<\/a> (-2.7%) and GM<\/a> (-3.1%) into a tailspin. The President\u2019s response has been to threaten to block the opening of a $4.7 billion bridge between the U.S. and Canada, a move that would effectively turn the Detroit supply chain into a very expensive parking lot.<\/p>\n The logic here is consistent: to save the American auto industry, we must make it impossible for them to build cars. It\u2019s bold. It\u2019s daring. It\u2019s causing analysts at Goldman Sachs to drink heavily before noon.<\/i> The NASDAQ<\/b>, heavily weighted with tech and innovation that relies on global logistics, is down 2.1% as of 3:00 PM EST, as the market realizes that “America First” might actually mean “America Alone” in the global trade terminal.<\/p>\n As the day winds down, the President has announced he will delay his trip to see Xi Jinping by “five or six weeks.” The reason? He wants to see if China will help with Iran first. It\u2019s a classic leverage play, assuming your opponent doesn’t mind being publicly mocked and threatened with rare earth metal tariffs in the same breath. <\/p>\n For the average investor, the takeaway is clear: keep your eyes on the tickers and your hands on your wallet. With a Chief of Staff battling illness, intelligence officials resigning over “policy issues,” and a Supreme Court that has decided the Executive Branch is the ultimate economic arbiter, the only certainty is that tomorrow will bring a new set of headlines, a new set of threats, and likely, another 2% swing in the DOW<\/b>. At least we have those $1,020 checks coming\u2014assuming the post office hasn’t been tariffed by then.<\/p>\n DISCLAIMER: <\/b> We read Trump’s posts so you don’t have to. This is comedy meets market data, not financial advice. Not political advice either – we just like charts and chaos.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Welcome to March 17, 2026, where the “Art of the Deal” has officially been replaced by the “Art of the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":50312,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"rank_math_schema_Article":[],"rank_math_focus_keyword":[],"rank_math_description":[],"financial_data_references":[],"stock_symbols_mentioned":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[4331],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-59877","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-trump-stock-market"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www2.stockmarketwatch.com\/stock-market-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/59877","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www2.stockmarketwatch.com\/stock-market-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www2.stockmarketwatch.com\/stock-market-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www2.stockmarketwatch.com\/stock-market-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www2.stockmarketwatch.com\/stock-market-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=59877"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www2.stockmarketwatch.com\/stock-market-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/59877\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www2.stockmarketwatch.com\/stock-market-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/50312"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www2.stockmarketwatch.com\/stock-market-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=59877"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www2.stockmarketwatch.com\/stock-market-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=59877"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www2.stockmarketwatch.com\/stock-market-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=59877"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}The $1,020 Rebate: Buying Silence with Your Own Money<\/h2>\n
Tim Cook\u2019s Very Bad Day and the iPhone Tax<\/h2>\n
Oil, Gas, and the Kharg Island Fireworks Display<\/h2>\n
The $35 Billion Car Crash in Detroit<\/h2>\n
Conclusion: The Five-Week Delay<\/h2>\n